You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
