is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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