he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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