i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
