Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
