If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize