Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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