i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
