hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
