Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
