WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
