Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
