what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
