Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He felt like a one man threesome
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
