I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
