Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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