You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
