If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
