I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
