I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
