omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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