wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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