Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
