It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
