What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
