a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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