Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
