check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
