Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
