Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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