oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
