My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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