Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
