are you still at the devil's house?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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