Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Do vagina's smell?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
