Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
