my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
