If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
