her vagine was all disorganized.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
