So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
