Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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