he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
