Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
