im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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