and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
