I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
