he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
