we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
