Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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