I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
