my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
