so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
