i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
