Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
