She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
