you would pick up someone in the library
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
