Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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