i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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