the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I will pee on everything he values.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
