Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
