we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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