Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
