Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
