Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
