I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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