Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
