Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
