I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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